Sister,
Happy Birthday. I wanted to write a special letter to you to honor this most significant day. She’s turning 30 and what a blessing it is. I’m going to try not to be long winded, as I’ve already published a letter for December and Lord knows I’m worn out. However, I had to go on the record for my best girl.
Sometimes, when I’m alone or in a dark place, I close my eyes and summon the music that is your laugh. That bombastic clatter of polyrhythms, velvety rasp, and a tenor soaked with life is a port in the storm. It is a medicine for me, a healing. I treasure it above all else.
When I think about all the ways that infectious laugh has rescued me, time and time again, I start to cry. Trying to sum up my love and gratitude for you, sweet sister, without starting first with your music, would be a crime.
At your surprise party earlier this month I watched through teary eyes as so many people gathered around to surprise you; your mother, a chic and thoughtful force of a woman, the proud ringleader. We waited with baited breath for you to walk through the door and then erupted in a chorus of surprise. To see your shocked face, vivid and flush and grateful, was a sight I’ll never let go of. Whenever you’d would walk over to someone’s table or pull them over to the photo booth, all I could see was love. It filled the air of the place, changing the very temperature in the room. And what a sight to behold, people electrified by you, enamored, and why wouldn’t they be?
You bend over backwards for those in your life, going above and beyond like no one I’ve ever known. You keep so many people alive, planted, ever firmly to the ground, by your commitment and your unassailable support. To be the recipient of so much of that commitment and support makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
This year has not been easy for you, but watching you navigate it has made me proud. I have watched you stay up all night to apply for this program or to meet that deadline. I’ve watched you agonize about how to always show up as an impactful professor for your students, even when they did not always appreciate your offerings. I’ve seen you check yourself, in real time, to hold yourself accountable for any infraction, large or small. You are so honest, so thorough, so caring, and so profoundly considerate. I’m inspired by your focus and your discipline. A single mom who works two jobs and whatnot. You went after everything that you wanted, full force, and every failure or misstep was met with your very particular grace. You materialized significant and thoughtful projects, renewed complex relationships that deserved a revisit, and mastered the art of being there for your people.
There is almost no day that passes where I do not invoke your name, be it couched within my prayers to the universe for your good health, safety, and good fortune, or to the heavens, begging them to restrain me from bopping you in that mouth after you’ve said something outta pocket. I have sung the praises of your artistic genius in every room that I have entered for the past six years. Every podcast, every interview, and every conversation with an artist or an editor. Literally anyone who could hear my voice or read my words can attest. You are the shorthand and the standard, one of my greatest inspirations.
You play so many roles in my life. You are my editor, even when I push back and lash out. You are my biggest critic, because you want the absolute best for me and for the expansion of my ideas. You’re my most fervent supporter, though Malcolm is equally weighted here, don’t play with her, and the girl who warns me, “please don’t post no shit like that.” or “Girl, maybe keep that to yourself?” You are my therapist, my cheerleader, and my biggest hater (I won’t share here what you said about my palette… but the people will know). And of course, my queen of getting distracted mid-audio note, usually by a garment.
You’re the interlocutor to my whole life. You can hear every unspoken word and you notice every shift in my tone or my energy. When I find myself wishing that I could be like you, as smart, jovial, friendly, and well liked, you utter a soothing something to my apoplectic self, and remind me that I deserve love exactly as I am.
It is a joy to love you. Our friendship has taught me so much about what it means to show up, to drop everything for those you love the most. You have taught me that I’m not crazy for wanting the kind of acceptance and patient love that I’m after, as you bestow it on me without ever breaking a sweat (or at least without letting me see said sweat lol). You are the great love of my life, sister (no homo), the song in my heart and the wind at my back.
My prayer for you, in this incoming year, is one of absolute abundance. Financially, fer sher, but an abundance of all the best things. An abundance of love, of decadence, of declious meals shared with loved ones, of lifechanging travels, and of undeniably chic looks. An abundance of softness and rest and ease. I wish all the best things for you.
How fortunate I am to do life with you. An artist deserving of so much more but committed to quietly doing the work. You deserve love, but only the kind of love strong enough to rise to the occassion that is you. An unforgettable young wum, irreplaceable, and the brightest star in my sky. I love you more than language.
*sings my 30 inch bust down instead of the birthday song.
-G.
P.S. If any of you spot any spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors go ahead and keep that to yourself. lol I’m hanging on by a thread. lol
Really beautiful
it makes a lot of sense that it was elliott who brought u to me. 2 irreplaceable stars. this is so damn gorgeous and elliott if u see this i fukin miss u